LETTERS TO STRANGERS: The New Employee At The Coffee Shop

To the New Girl At Greenbriar Café,

Stop right there. You don’t need to give me the whole welcome schpeal. I’ve heard it. You may not know this yet, but I’m a regular here. Yup, I frequent your establishment at least 3 times a week. In fact, Kelly grabs a ceramic mug for me the moment she sees me walking in the door. Because I have a “usual.” Because I’m a regular.

That means you’re going to be seeing a lot of me, New Girl, so let’s get some things straight.

  • I’m a writer, which means I’m prone to looking like a douchebag hipster when I whip out my laptop or four notebooks in the same corner table. It’s all right if you think negative things about me. But you should know that deep down I’m actually really cool.
  • I’m not a student so don’t ask me how school is. I graduated 2 years ago and have held a steady amount of part time jobs that have advanced me no closer to my career goals. I’ve gone on one grand adventure and talk about it literally every chance I get. I’m applying to jobs, though, really. Like, a lot of jobs. Like, big girl jobs, you know? Maybe even grad school one day, I don’t know.
  • I get the same thing every time, medium coffee for here, always from the middle pot (it’s your daily special roast). It costs $2.25. I will know if you charge me wrong. Sometimes I get food, but I always get coffee so please, be prepared.
  • You don’t need to know my name, but at least act like you do. I’m spending a lot of my time and money on your establishment. The least you could do is recognize me and pretend that we’re sort of friends.
  • You can say “Hello” if you see me in public. I know, it’s weird. But we DO have lives outside the coffee shop and this city isn’t so big after all. We’re bound to run into each other. And when that happens? Don’t make it awkward. I know who you are and you know who I am, so let’s just skip the aversion glances and wave at each other, ok?

The rest is easy. Give me my coffee, I’ll give you your $2.25 and we’ll be set. You do a commendable job, filling cups with a steaming blackness that fuels my life and work. I would be nowhere as a writer without you. You are my office, my coworker of sorts. You are a champion in my eyes, New Girl.

And you’re going to do just fine.

Much love,

Your Regular Hipster Writer Douchebag

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